Rapport Mistake Number 2
Now the second mistake that people with typically make is that of trying too hard. The problem with trying too hard is very much related to being too nice to someone else. If you try to hard you sub-communicate – you send signals out – that you’re desperate; you’re desperate for the company, you’re eager to please.
Now, the problem with being desperate is very few people actually like to have desperate people hanging around them. Somehow it makes them feel obligated or under pressure. But, for whatever reason, it actually begins to shut down communications again.
So, if you’re trying too hard to establish rapport with someone else, the other thing that can happen is you activate what’s called The Law of Reversed Effect.
The Law of Reversed Effect says ‘the harder you try to do something, the more likely it is you’ll fail’; because you’re consciously interfering with an unconscious process.
So, when building rapport with someone else, the idea is to fall into this rhythm where rapport happens: to maintain a sense of, “these are the things that I need to do to make it happen”, and then get out of the way to allow your unconscious mind to make these things actually occur.
Excerpt from: The Power of Conversational Hypnosis
