Rapport Mistake Number 3
Another reason why trying too hard tends to put people off is related to the third common mistake that people make when trying to build rapport. And that’s wanting something from someone else too much.
The problem of wanting something too much is seen easily when you think back to a time when you walked into a store and you wanted to buy maybe a stereo or something. The salesman comes up and starts talking to you, but the thing is they get a little bit too pushy.
They want you to buy too much. They want you to like them too much. And because they want something from you; because they’re pushing you too far down the process too quickly, you begin to back off.
Now, the solution to this is something called ‘fractionating rapport’. In fractionating rapport, what you’re going to do is you’re going to build a little rapport and then back off. Then you’ll build a little bit more rapport, and back off, a little bit more, back off, a little bit more, and back off.
The Law of Fractionation is something that we’ll look at a little more when we cover hypnotic principles. But basically, every time that you do something it’s the equivalent of dipping your toe in a bucket of cold water. At first just the big toe goes in, then you might have all the toes, then you pull it back out again. Then you’ll put the foot in; you’ll pull it back out again.
And every time that you come back to this experience, it’s easier and easier to go deeper and deeper, because it seems familiar to you.
So fractionating rapport is a technique where you build a little rapport, and you take it away again, so that the people are constantly in a comfort zone. And that comfort zone’s always being stretched a little bit at a time.
So, to sum up the first 3 most common mistakes that people make – and they’re all interrelated – it’s first of all ‘Trying to be too nice’, second of all ‘Trying too hard to establish rapport’, and third of all ‘Wanting something too much from someone else’ (becoming a little bit too pushy to either build rapport or get a certain result).
The solution to these 3 problems is very simple.
First of all, realise there’s a time to stop being nice in order to save the rapport, to save the relationship.
Number two is to use the ‘instant rapport technique’ that we’ll be covering a little later on, in order to allow the normal rapport signals to flow unconsciously and naturally.
And finally, it’s to use the principle of ‘fractionation’ to build a little rapport, and then back off, and then a little bit more, and then back off, consistently so that over a small period of time you build a lot of large steps.
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Excerpt from: The Power of Conversational Hypnosis
