let’s begin by having a look at what rapport actually means. One way to define it is as a ‘close and harmonious relationship in which two or more people understand each other’s feelings and ideas, and can communicate well’. We’re going to use that definition as our guidelines as to how to create rapport. Now to some extent everyone knows how to build rapport; because you’ve done so with other people.
You’ve built rapport with your friends, your family, and even with your working colleagues. So what is it that people traditionally do in order to build rapport? Well, the traditional view is to just be nice to someone, maybe a little complimentary, and then to find common experiences which you can share – maybe a shared interest in sports, or perhaps you went to the same university, or came from the same town. Now all these things actually do work. They actually will create a sense of rapport with most people.
The trouble is that most people don’t realise why these things work, and so begin to apply them in situations when they no longer are appropriate. The basic rule of thumb behind building rapport with others is that people like people like themselves. So at some level, showing that you’re like another person, will allow the other person to feel safe or comfortable around you, and be happier to communicate and share ideas. That’s why common experiences work; because you’re saying, at some level, “look, you are I are alike. We come from the same place. We think the same thoughts. We have the same values.” That’s what really makes this thing work. So how can we take this concept, refine it, and make it more powerful?
Excerpt from: The Power of Conversational Hypnosis
